….And The Point of It All Is….

“We should start a blog” she said. “It will be fun!” she said. OK. Cool. But about what? Finance? Creative Writing? Children? Stalkers? Marriage? Natural hair?”How about all of the above?” she said. Sounds great. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone could…..read it? And then they might like it? No harm, no foul. Totally easier said than done.

“Do you think we should do a test-run first or do we just jump straight in?”she asked.  No clue.  The how-to-start-a-blog websites lay it all out in three easy steps. Step one: find a topic you are passionate about. For me. that’s everything. (Almost. Can’t say I care too much for insects.) Step one – check. Moving on to step two: figure out how and who you want to help – your target audience. Everyone who will listen. Step two -check. Lastly, research. Read other blogs, find a host, google some key words…..ok, step three – done. OK, done in my mind, done. But then what?

During this blog starting process, we realized we have a wealth of information about a myriad of topics – from astrology to zoology (excluding entomology) and we passionately talk about them all. But the one topic that makes us happiest is helping ladies “get happy”. Finding themselves. Expounding on the things your momma told (or didn’t tell) you. Giving solid insight –  beyond never sleeping with a married man or why mixing polka dots and stripes is a sin and always wearing clean underwear in case you have an accident. Yep. We are good at that. Logical. Analytical. Humorous. Intelligent. Now we just need a cute name….

Meriam-Webster defines a diva as  “a famous and successful woman who is very attractive and fashionable; especially : an attractive and successful female performer or celebrity”. It made me laugh. Yeah, I think we qualify as divas *head tilt*.  Divas get a bad rep, tho. They are seen as hard to work with and brash. Synonymous with goddess, princess, entitlement, light-skinneded….Never mind. We are divas. Giving  what Urban Dictionary defines as divatude: “confidence to the point where it may be perceived as conceit” and “being particularly strong-willed, decisive and having the demeanor of being the “Head B*%ch In Charge”. ”

Divatude. Hmmmm. Not a new concept. Not even a new blog name. But dagonit, I like it. Do we have it all together? Nah. Not all of it. Not by a long shot. Do we want it all? That would be a negative, Roger. What we do have is a desire to share our divatude through writing. Encouraging readers to find their own divatude.  And, hey, what’s the worst that could happen? We just might inspire someone else to share their divatude, too.

 

 

 

Casual Wednesday?

I rarely read the news feed Apple sends across my phone. Mostly because although I have an awesome iPhone 6, which is the totally perfect size for talking, it’s not the perfect screen size for my 20/40 eyes to use for reading. However, as I accidentally scrolled to the left one too many times, May 25th’s New York Times article “The End of The Office Dress Code” caught my questionable eyesight and my attention. I was compelled to explore further investigations of this potential phenomenon via my desktop monitor because, well, I wasn’t wearing my glasses at the time.

The article’s focus is on an exhibit on uniforms and conformity and the ironic relationship between uniforms and fashion. The writer also speaks to the change in attitudes toward what is deemed professional dress in the workplace, a uniform of sorts, especially for women, and how fashion trends have created an evolution of the “dress code”. If a huge, ginormous billionaire such as Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook can admit to wearing the same grey t-shirt everyday to give himself more brain space to “focus his energy on other decisions”, surely there can be no correlation between what we wear to work and productivity, right? Apparently, there was also this social media thing dubbed “Sweatergate” last month, attributable to an joke perpetuated by a Los Angeles meteorologist centering around the need to cover up her bare shoulders while on the air and her male coworker covering them for her….social media went berserk. How dare he! Double standards!! Off with the station manager’s head!! Whereas many moons ago, it was considered crass to wear a tank dress without a sweater or blazer anywhere other than a picnic. Clearly, mindsets about clothing in the workplace are changing and Twitter has neither chill nor sense of humor.

Having worn security uniforms and movie theater usher vests everyday at one point, I appreciate the extra brain space not having to think too hard about your work attire creates as well as the purpose for uniforms and visibility in customer service oriented positions. But in the office as a paper pusher? Nah. The office dress code has long been one of the minor annoyances I struggled with- even before I had an office job. When I began thoughts about a career path, I was pretty adamant with two things – one, I must work indoors 100% of the time and two, I don’t want to wear a three-piece suit and pumps every day.  I’m a really casual, calm, cool, and collected individual. Not that I’m a t-shirt and pajama bottoms for work kind of girl, but I am a cute top, curvy jeans, and comfy wedges Señora.

My office attire and my bar attire preferences are one and the same. In my early 20’s, these preferences usually got me written up. Needless to say, I also got sent home a few times to change. Some would argue that it’s common sense to never wear leggings or belly shirts to work; ok, I get the why a belly shirt is wrong thing. But my argument to leggings was always why not?? They are pants. My whoo-ha is covered. Plus, I’m sitting on it anyway. Who cares? I crunch numbers in a cubicle all day. I later realized the answer to my question of “who cares?” was anyone who believed it is the woman’s job to curb male carnal instincts because he just is unable to can.  Sexy clothing and bare legs or protruding breasts are a distraction to your office mates and therefore, unprofessional. So are bike shorts on men, unless you’re a courier. Thus, we have created dress codes that spell out for employees how to leave the house everyday because otherwise, if left up to our own vices, we would come in looking like Tina Turner and The Mack everyday and cause such a distraction that work productivity would diminish to near zero.  *insert eye roll here*.

I must admit, Human Resources has tried to make dress codes as equal as possible in the last twenty years or so by not making codes gender specific or having a long list of  “acceptable wear” just for women. However, as a result of these efforts, I have seen dress codes that are two pages long and require employee signatures to verify it was read. Because for every outfit a female can’t wear, there has to be an equivalent outfit that a male can’t wear listed, too. Pants for everyone; thonged sandals for none.  Funny dress code tidbit: my last place of employment actually had the words “no visibly dirty clothing” in its dress code policy. I still wonder why this sentiment had to be put into words…I’m going to assume it was due to someone being extra proactive and not someone who came out the house that morning with ketchup and mustard stains on a white button-up.

My last battle with a dress code was during the mid-2000’s concerning Capri-length pants for ladies. I don’t win many dress code battles, so this one was a milestone for me.The fashion trend was Capri, or knickers, and pumps. I thought it was cute and business casual; my fellow female coworkers thought it was convenient and comfortable.   My boss, a lawyer by trade; an Executive Director by title, didn’t like the trend. They were “too close to shorts” he said. He notoriously wore a suit and tie 4 days a week and on day 5 he wore a polo shirt and khaki’s. I persuaded him to consult a few online forums, talk to a couple of women in senior management, and even take a trip to Macy’s to see if Capri suits were in fact being sold as business wear. (They were.) Much to his chagrin, he conceded to allowing the pants as work attire, but inserted a new clause in the dress code – no pants shorter than knee-length. The concern was not that someone would show up in Daisy Duke’s, but that that someone would be male. So to keep the dress code equal, it had to be done. Or, he could have spent that two weeks on doing something else uber important, like focusing on the new document retention policy requirements for nonprofits.

In the constant struggle by GenXers for work-life balance, the happy medium seems to be shifting to glass-enclosed offices, less free coffee, more healthy snacks, and a heightened sense of personal accountability.  Professionalism is  no longer about designer suits and dressing up for the job you want; it’s an attitude. Now, I am in no way advocating for dirty clothes and pajamas or for showing up to official business meetings wearing miniskirts and flip-flops. However, the traditional three-piece uniform with sensible pumps is staying in the closet, sans interview. My current office’s dress code policy is one line – “be comfortable, but dress appropriately for your day’s business interactions.” Meaning, please recognize sweatsuits to a business meeting with grant makers will be frowned upon and we probably won’t ask you to go to another meeting with anyone ever again.  Unspoken, yet, understood. And somehow, work gets done. Imagine that. Clothes and productivity not being totally related. Who would have thought it possible? This girl right here. Oh, and Mark Zuckerberg.

 

 

First Quarter=Spring Cleaning

Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Ah. The smell of spring and spring cleaning. Spring cleaning in the finance world equates to a quarterly financial check up. Because Spring happens in late March and the IRS happens in early April. And nothing makes us think about what we’ve done with our money over the past year (or three) like filing our tax returns do. Tax returns have us rethinking our lives!!

Most people dread April 18th. In fact, they dread it so much, many people refuse to acknowledge the IRS changed the due date from the 15th to the 18th several years ago due to the Emancipation Day holiday in the District of Columbia, where the Internal Revenue Service’s headquarters are located. April 15th has been drilled in our heads for so long, that it’s a date we are still talking about in November.

Which makes April 15th a great time to perform a quarterly financial check up. Are you making your money work for you as hard as you are working for your money? Of course you are! Because your Divatude won’t let you be lax about this subject. Right???? Here’s a list of suggested checks to perform this month. Let us know how you’re doing with your money this year. Surprise yourself and the IRS in 2017.

• Check your exemptions at work. If you find yourself owing an exorbitant amount every year, you’re not having enough taxes taken out of your income. The lower the number of exemptions; the more taxes you are paying. Also, check your filing status. Single persons pay a different amount than married households.
• Check your investments and their distributions. During the 4th quarter 2015 and 1st quarter 2016, The Market experienced a little volatility. Nothing to fret over. Gains have been happening through the the month of April. However, now is a good time to take a look at your investment performances – including retirement plans and trading accounts. Maybe a little reshuffling is in order; maybe not.

• Check your savings plans. You know where that tax refund should go.  Are you on target to meet your 2016 goals? If you continued saving at the current rate, would you meet, exceed, or fall short of having a 3-6 month emergency fund? Adjust accordingly.
• Check the mail!!! That pile of papers on the table? Yeah, some of it can go in the trash. This is how we “lose” hospital bills and rebate checks.De clutter and simplify to make organization of your finances smooth.
• Check your credit. Anything new and exciting happening there? Or new and perplexing? Sign up for one of the free credit score reporting services to make this easy breezy, as well.
• Check your last will and testament and your living will or advance directives to see if any changes need to be made.
• Check your closets. Warmer weather makes the perfect excuse for shopping and budget busting. However, because you don’t want to spend money on items you already own…..or reclutter your closet after all that spring donating you did for Lent….and make sure what you have, you can still fit.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

 

Financially Grown. Eventually. One Day.

Procrastination is my biggest vice. I intended to write a resolution post via Facebook weeks ago you know, because, everyone was making “New Year, New Me” and “2016 will be the Ye…

Source: Financially Grown. Eventually. One Day.

Divatude in the C-Suite

This past weekend while I was tuned in to an HBO snooze-fest, I saw an advertisement slash infomercial slash plug slash call to action urging Hollywood to hire more women directors for big budget and blockbuster films. I have no idea what the technical term was for what I was watching because it was about 15-minutes long so it wasn’t a typical commercial, it didn’t ask the viewers to send money anywhere so it wasn’t an advertisement or an infomercial and featured the likes of current actors and directors speaking on this problem that I didn’t realize was a problem, so it wasn’t quite a plug to watch the next great hit movie. Whatever it was, the call to action didn’t catch my attention until the third viewing when one of the reasons cited for women not receiving the calls to direct blockbuster films with larger budgets was that women are terrible with fiscal responsibility. *Gasp* Excuse me????

There have been thousands of studies and analyses completed on the subject of which sex is more efficient and effective fiscally. The vast majority of these studies agree that women win this title, hands down. I say the vast majority and not all because while I will not claim to have read every study,  of the thirty or so I have seen, I have not seen ANY that point to males being the best financial stewards. I’m pretty confident 0/30 is a pretty good statistical indicator of population. Being a woman in finance, I can’t help but compare the similarities in this story with the lack of women in the C-Suite. According a CNN Money analysis published in March 2016, of the top five leadership positions in the S&P 500, 14.2% are held by women. That’s the CEO, Chief Financial Officer, Chief Information Officer, Chief Marketing Officer, or the Chief Operating Officer. 24 of these companies have female CEO’s, which translates to 4%.  This leaves a whopping 10.2% of females in the other four positions. I’m not even going to discuss how many of these women are not white, today. That’s a totally different blog and not the point here. Women are not receiving the accolades to match the advances made in education over the past 15 years, where women are obtaining Bachelor’s degrees at a higher rate than men. But they are certainly not receiving the pay to match the student loan debt attached to the increases in education. The good news about the pay gap is in the last 40 years, the average gap has closed by 20 cents between women and men in general. The bad news about the pay gap is that it still exists and at the current rate it will not be closed for another 100 years.

In a nation where women still receive an average of 79 cents to every dollar men earn across all employment fields, Fidelity Investments published research in 2014 showing portfolios owned solely by women perform better than those owned by men. The average return on investment for the ladies in 2014 was 7.4%; the average return on investment for the gents was 7.3%. Not because women are better guessers at performance, but because women take fewer big risks with their investments. Experts chalk this up to the overconfidence of the male ego. (HA!) Men tend to have riskier portfolios and subsequently lose money more often than women. Women tend to hold investments with lower risks and reap higher rewards. Men perform investment trades more often than women and experts blame this paradigm on their overconfidence and egos. Ideally, in investing you want the highest rewards while taking the lowest risks. This strategy is proven to work and women have it down pat. Fortune 500 companies with at least three female directors have seen their return on invested capital increase by at least 66%, return on sales increase by 42%, and return on equity increase by at least 53%. So why aren’t there more females being hired to manage the moolah? Stereotypes.

When you take a look at the risk-reward model, in order to achieve the greatest rewards, you must be willing to take the greatest risks. Women are not generally subscribers of that theory. Therefore, the stereotype in both Hollywood and Corporate America seems to be accurate that a)women tend to make financial decisions based on intuition and emotions vs. hard logic and facts and b) women don’t go for the big jobs or ask for the big bucks as hard or a frequently as men do, ergo, minimizing both risk and rewards. It also fuels the belief that women will not be able to handle the high-pressure risky decision making necessary to make them successful as a big budget director or as a S&P 500 CEO. The idea that women just won’t be as good as a man in financial management positions has been embedded in our society to the point that we really don’t think about it’s validity or truth anymore – it is what it is and it’s not changing. In present day 2016, a good-ole-boys club still exists. There are men who don’t believe women are better financial stewards, and they speak for the masses. They make the C-level hiring decisions. They are the board members. They are the persons with the oversight on who they trust to direct their film ideas. They are even the ones who are running for President of the United States in 2016. (Le sigh.)

What do women need to do to become more visible in these roles? Women were “given” the right to vote and to equal education almost 100 years ago. Roe vs. Wade was 40 plus years ago.  Yet, somehow, employers are not recognizing that diversity is not only an issue of race, but one of sex as well. In my opinion, ignoring for a second that HBO was cited as having one of the worst hiring rates for female directors, the HBO advertising slash call to action piece is a step in the right direction. Although women are scientifically proven to be better communicators than men, they shy away from conversations about finance, including salary negotiations, benefits, and promotions. We don’t discuss our credit scores, our kid’s college tuition, or our own student loan debt collectively. Starting a public conversation about the inequality in our systems will make more people take notice and learn this is a problem with the simple solution of actually looking at women for these positions, not because they are women, but because they are qualified to lead. Managerial diversity training is still necessary to move women forward in business. While it is not my dream to be a CFO of a Fortune 500 company, it is my dream that I have the opportunity available if it wanted it. Here’s to hoping the female directors in Hollywood gain momentum in this fight for equal opportunity and that female executives get the opportunity to bring a little Divatude to the C-Suite in my lifetime.

Of Mice And Meat

….and just eight days in to Lent, they had meatballs for the parents at Senior Night.

Meatballs are one of my favorite foods. The Italian one’s. That taste like sausage. Meatballs, rice, and gravy is one of my favorite meals, right behind pork chops and bacon-wrapped fried chicken. Yum! And I forgot they were meat. I know, they are meaty balls (no sexy). But I forgot I gave up meat for Lent until I was in my car on the way home. I smacked my forehead and my kid looked at me like I had just done the absolute craziest thing he has ever seen – like driving on the wrong side of the yellow line. “Oh. I ate meat tonite” I said. “Me too” he said and put his headphones back on.

I ate meat. Now what? What are the rules here?? Clearly I can’t just quit because that would probably be against all moral standards. That much I was sure of. Do I have to say ten “Hail Mary”‘s? In the dark? To a mirror? Wait, but i’m not Catholic. That can’t be right. I most certainly did not think this no meat thing through.

Twenty minutes later after my panic button had been reset, I remembered  that I wasn’t participating in Lent to say I accomplished something for 40 days. It wasn’t to one-up my Facebook friends. I’m definitely not doing God a favor by keeping my promise. Those are selfish reasons and so not the point of Lent. It was about delayed gratification and the lessons I take away from not doing what I said I wasn’t going to do. Learning to not quit. To never give up. That we are human and we make mistakes. It’s what you do after that mistake was made that counts the most.

And so, I’m back on the meat wagon. 39 days, 40 days,….meh. I’m looking forward to finding the next lesson in Divatude next week.

 

 

Has Enough Been Enough?

When I was in college, the closer I got to the finish line, the more I could see myself coming home to a good book and a glass of smooth wine.  My situation was no different from probably a trillion other people who had walked in my shoes.  Society saw me an adult learner. I saw myself as someone who wanted to be successful.  Crossing that finish line didn’t come without struggle, but the journey did mold me into the person I am today.  I’ll admit, it takes a special kind of person to look reality in the face.  With all of its heavy-weight belts, reality has conquered many battles, fighting to maintain its rightful place to the very end.  Reality loves to sneak up on you when you’re not paying attention or and least expect it.  Playing on your faults and weakness to disempower; reality can be pretty scary.  I don’t know about anyone else, but that was surely my reality.

My learning of life’s lessons didn’t come from the classroom. The classroom is where I understood the power of intelligence, thinking, imagination, creativity, and articulation.  Now, I will always advocate for academia.  I wouldn’t be where I am today without it.  But that’s not the plot of this blog.

This is about being real with myself.  Taking a moment to assess my reality and having the balls to do something about it.  My reality sunk in standing behind a counter accepting Bar applications from law school graduates who had not one, but at the minimum two degrees.  Oh, and did I mention that many were born only a few years apart from me?  Don’t miss the point here.  It’s not about the degrees or the status quo.  It’s about the fact that I woke up at that very moment.  I began to question my motives; my reasoning.  It was now time to show some accountability on my part.  I didn’t need to confide in anybody telling them why I bought lunch several times a week when I knew I had the mortgage to pay.  Especially when I wanted for my self more income, more freedom, more achievements…more, more, more.

So, all of this to say what though? The reality of it is, I had to get fed up with my circumstances enough to make serious life-altering decisions. I had to ask myself, “When is enough, enough?”

The reality — all of those things were attainable and within reach.  I just needed to bus-a-move.

I got tired of complaining with no plan of action.  I was done with blaming others for where I stood.  Opportunity may fall in the lap of the more privileged.  Fortunately for others like me, it can be called upon at will.  You’re probably wondering what I mean by that or it makes absolutely no sense at all. What I mean is, you can choose to make a choice that will shift your reality.  Calling opportunity at will, it starts with making a choice.  Your decision becomes clear, followed by action as the second step.  Some people create vision boards to map out their goals or decisions.  That’s all fine and well, as long as the glue ain’t drying for years before making a move.

Lent-if you put it on the Internet, that makes it true.

“I’m giving up meat for Lent”. The words flowed out of my mouth so smoothly, as if they were melted butter being poured on my loaded baked potato. My new Work Sister/Husband looked at me for a full 3 seconds before replying “Whet??”. Sigh. “Whet?” is right. What was I thinking? Clearly I had been staring at the monstrosity of a payroll journal too long. Give up meat? “You know bacon is meat, right?” he said. I glared at him out the corner of my eye. Ugh. Did I just go crazy?

However, on second thought, maybe it’s not such a crazy idea. My sister has been vegan for over 20 years and she looks amazing. She’s also an actress, soooo….yeah. Not a good example. In reality, I rarely eat beef because it tears my stomach apart later; my pork is limited to bacon and fried pork chops from The Bottom Line; but the chicken tho??? Chicken?? I may die.

And I slowly realized that death was the point. The season of Lent is about repentance for your sins and gratitude for having another chance to get it right this year. 40 days, excluding Sunday, to lifestyle changes that will put you yourself more in tune with your spiritual side. A slight pause in life to appreciate all that life has to offer and clearing out the clutter that exists in my mind, body, and soul. I truly appreciate you, chicken. Now I’m going to appreciate spinach and broccoli and quinoa and what they do for my body more. 20lbs, be gone!

Lent is also a time to refocus your energy. I’m participating in a challenge to clean out my closets- removing 40 items, one item per day, for 40 days. At the end of the 40 days, the bag of items will be donated to  a women’s shelter. Which means the shoes with a hole in the sole are NOT the items we are talking about here….items that are in good condition that someone else could wear. Whew. My poor closet tho.

So on day four, I’m doing fine. I’ll check back in on day 14 and see how this no meat thing works out. Good thing shrimp is not meat. Yep. I googled the meat-eating rule. Shrimp, crabs, fish, oh my! I may not die after all.

V-Day. Blah Humbug.

i dislike Valentine’s Day. Not the day itself, February 14th. It’s just a date. But the concept of Valentine’s Day annoys my soul. As I sit here getting my toes did (happy dance) and trolling Facebook, I see too many posts about who does or does not have a Valentine, does the side piece deserve a gift, and is the day for men or women…..geez. I’m over it. My love for Valentine’s Day starts when the leftover candy goes on sale on February 15th….probably another contributor to those 20lbs I never can seem to lose….but I digress.

Now, I’m married. With children. And a dog. I’ve been the main chick and the side chick. I’ve been single and alone but not lonely on February 14th. And I’ve never cared. Well, wait, I take that back. I cared when I was about 20ish. I was really into stuffed animals back then. I thought it was cute that my boyfriend at the time bought me bears and cats et al for my bed. They were awesome. Until I had too many and I ran out of space to sleep in my own bed. It was then as I was building a shelf for those things that I realized stuffed animals were stupid in my world.

Anywho, back to my disdain. You see, I’ve always demanded to be wined and dined or bought sexy lingerie and matching shoes to show off my voluptuousness  all year long. I’m pretty decent with seeing something in the store he might appreciate and picking it up- even if it’s a bottle of Hennessey. But if he can’t manage to make me a priority in August where there are absolutely zero holidays or celebrations dictating our relationship moves, why do I want to waste my time with him? Divatude. #Hmph.

Ladies sell themselves short every year waiting on February 14th for him to prove his love for her. Sure, I know the story of St. Valentine. His legend is part romantic and part desperate. Against Roman laws, he secretly married young men who were believed to be better warriors when they were single and therefore banned from being married. He was subsequently killed for violating these ordinances and supposedly left his love a goodbye letter signed “Your Valentine”. This is where the romantical part comes in.

Later, to celebrate his unselfish contributions to society, during the festival of Lupernicus which occurred around the time of St. Valentine’s death mid February, Luperci priests would sacrifice goats to commemorate his unselfish contributions to love and society. The priests would then take these goat hides and walk the streets of Rome touching ladies with the hide in the name of Fertility and Love via St. Valentine. The ladies who allowed themselves to be touched were now fertile and therefore more desirable. This is where the desperation comes in. The ladies then put their names in a “pot” to be chosen by eligible bachelors for marriage, hoping their newly obtained fertily made them a desirable mate. If the bachelors liked them, they were married. If they were not liked or chosen, they were single for another year.

I love the romanticism of Valentine’s Day. Love is unselfish. Love is kind. Love is all encompassing. Love is exciting. Love is impetuous and adventurous. It’s the one day of the year where everyone Is thinking about how much they appreciate, or appreciated, someone else in their lives. I dislike the desperation surrounding Valentine’s Day and the  implication that Valentine’s Day is about the woman being “chosen”. If you’re single at this time, there’s nothing wrong with you; I dislike the notion that Valentine’s day the relationship builder or killer by Female  standards. You’re either “the chosen one” or you’re shunned.  And I especially dislike the commercialism of February 14th. The idea he doesn’t love you if he doesn’t buy you something expensive for V-Day- hogwash. Love and expense have no direct correlation. Besides, Diva,  if you’re trying to build your financial freedom, you don’t want him to buy anything that will have to be put on a credit card or taken out of a savings account, especially if you’re not already wealthy with several income streams…..but that’s another blog.

Oh, I do love the unspoken rule that he has to take you to dinner- because, well, I’m really into food.   But don’t limit this practice to just this weekend- dinner dates serve a special purpose in relationship building. Take turns taking each other to dinner on Date Night. Not every Date Night, cuz that’s a savings plan buster. But just enough that you get to interact in public together and converse. And if you’re a new couple, you can tell a lot about your date and how he meets your quality standards by the way he treats you while you’re out- does he open the doors, insist on ordering for you both, or chew with his mouth open?  Dinner dates are important.

Valentine’s Day can be a fun experience, even if you’re single. Go buy yourself some candy. Have a dinner date with another single friend. Everyone can take your kids to IHOP. They usually have great kid specials. Call your parents, if they are still alive. And don’t forget to celebrate your love for you most of all. Remember the Love Passage (google it) in your passion to find your Divatude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Redefining Diva

My 2015 goal in life was to practice beautifying myself at home. Driven by a want to spend less and save more, I knew this was one area I would excel in. I’ve been doing my own hair since since I was a teenager and I took a class to learn some nail techery in my early 20’s. I went natural and perfected the twist-out 2 years ago and I have plenty of pretty polish and I could always get more for 99 cents at the CVS or Beauty4U. Piece of cake!

I forgot the reason I went to the hair salon and the nail shop wasn’t because I was too lazy or it was too costly; but because I needed to put myself in time-out every so often.  I tend to rip and run around DC from sunrise to sunset every day. Well, more accurately, from 6 am to 2 am…on a regular basis. It was rare that I was in the house in the bed before 11pm ever. I didn’t factor in that I needed me-time in order to buff, file, and polish myself up.  Going to the nail salon or spa forced me to just “be” for an hour or so and let someone else take care of me.

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” My 2016 goal is to get back to the nail salon. I didn’t do a bad job at the actual polishing, but I did do a bad job making time to sit still for an hour. My toes became one more chore to add to my list of things to fit into my day. That ain’t diva, y’all. I was supposed to be happy to beautify me. Instead, I became resentful of my toes. As cute as they are.

Reevaluating and redefining life goals. It happens. It should happen.  Here’s a link to a great list of 10 questions to ask yourself while reevaluating your life by Katerine Cerulean. Sometimes we get so stuck on not being a quitter or a failure that we forget that the whole reason we have a goal in the first place is to make us happier.  If your goal is making you miserable, it’s not leading you toward your dreams.

What is the point of having a great dream if you are not on the path to achieve it? WC Fields wrote “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” My toenails may not incite world peace, but they incite inner peace. And in the end, that’s what counts.

 

Financially Grown. Eventually. One Day.

Procrastination is my biggest vice. I intended to write a resolution post via Facebook weeks ago you know, because, everyone was making “New Year, New Me” and “2016 will be the Year of (insert successful sounding noun here)” posts.  The vast majority of those posts on my timeline discussed money woes. Seemed like becoming financially grown was everyone’s goal. Well, almost everyone. Some of us wanted to lose 20 lbs by March for the 9th consecutive year.

Being financially grown has nothing to do with age, rather, its the mindset regarding finance. Not even Warren Buffet was born knowing what stocks to invest in – well, wait, maybe he was. He did start buying and selling stock pretty early on in his life at like 11 or something. Scratch that thought. Most of us garnered an understanding of finance through life trial and error. It’s an ongoing process that starts when you receive your first allowance or your first paycheck, regardless of your college attendance and graduation dates. The learning process lasts for what seems like forever. Until, eventually, one day, you realize you’re a financial grown up. But, only because hindsight tells you so.

Hindsight is 20/20.  It is the recognition of the realities, possibilities, or requirements of a situation, event, decision etc., after its occurrence.  Not quite the same as regret – a sense of loss, disappointment, or dissatisfaction.  You regret not utilizing what was learned. Or worse, not realizing anything had been learned at all. It’s all about the semantics. Hindsight is  the lesson(s) you learned while traveling this road called Life that you didn’t realize you learned until – eventually. One day, you had to put that knowledge to good use. Hindsight and regret make you ask yourself the same question – if you knew then what you know now, what would you do differently? Only hindsight gives you the answer.

I read an article recently where the author stated the top two financial mistakes women make are not knowing what they have and not understanding their financial needs. Seems accurate to me. Not knowing an unpaid hospital bill is debt is slightly different than not understanding you can make payment arrangements to pay that hospital bill with the current financial resources you possess. Semantics. Life lessons. Like regret and hindsight. Both terms will make sense. Eventually. One day.

You are the best financial adviser for you.  The internet will give you hundreds of thousands of posts geared toward every financial decision you could possibly make. A quick Google or Bing search for financial advisers will give you hundreds of options specifically in your city. And I’m sure we all have a friend or three who know everything about personal finance. You can garner advice from just about anywhere.  Whether you accept the advice is totally up to you. Eventually, one day, hindsight will tell you if the choices you made were correct for you.

Of course. there is a road map to being a financially grown woman and it begins in your 20’s. *Cue Beyonce’ Grown Woman* Sorry. That song was stuck in my head while I’m writing.  Every woman in her 20’s should learn the lesson of living under 85% of her income. Why? Because it’s a much easier lesson to learn when you only have to be responsible for you. You may one day have a child or ten. You may get married thinking your income just doubled for life- heeeeyyy more shoes for me!!! (SOOOOO not the case, let me tell you.) You may have to take in and care for an older relative. In reality, learning to live well under your means in your 20’s prepares you for life in your 40’s and beyond – when you are thinking about making a career change, or getting divorced, or when the kids have gone to college and you’re footing a portion of the bill and, the ultimate life goal, the golden years of retirement. You will be able to better handle drastic financial life changes if you prepared for them 20 years earlier.

What do you do with the other 15%? Save 10% and waste 5%. Get it out of your system. Now.  Buy party dresses, go to the movies, eat out on occasion. Learn to hate take out. Buy pretty shoes and learn that no one needs 70 pairs of shoes. Not even Beyonce’, Miranda Gates,  or Warren Buffet. Lend a friend money for groceries and don’t worry about getting it back. But don’t go over that 5%. It takes practice. And eventually, one day ,you will learn none of that is important all on your own. In the meantime while you are waiting to learn this lesson, participate in the company retirement plan. Buy a reliable used car. Get health insurance. Apply for and pay every month, on time, one credit card. Start paying on your student loans. In a separate fund, start saving 20% to put down to buy your own home. And by all means, learn the definition of the terms “budget” and “emergency fund”.  It will be an important life lesson eventually, one day.

As an Accounting major in my 20’s, it never dawned on me I could apply what I was learning in college to myself. Heck, accounting was for corporations. Finance was for Wall Street. I lived in DC and I was gainfully employed in the world of small business and non-profits. Generally Accepted Accounting Principles only applied to wealthy folk. Not me.  I did not think I had any money to invest, no matter what my pastor, Suze Orman, or Michelle Singletary had to say about it.  Besides, I had forever to care about saving money and stuff. I’d worry about it when I was someone’s CFO in an office on the 15th floor overlooking the Potomac River. In the non-profit world, tho? Man. I was disillusioned.  For now, let’s eat, shop, dance, and be merry. In hindsight, my investment income was hanging in my closet. Or in shoe boxes on the floor.  And in the extra interest I was paying on my brand new car monthly due to a bad financing deal I didn’t research. I would get around to saving and budgeting. Eventually. One day.

And then I was unceremoniously laid off. I knew it was a probability – I did work in the finance department and I prepared the income statements. But I wasn’t ready for it.  I was given a severance check for two weeks pay and the option to continue my health insurance with COBRA benefits. My emergency savings fund consisted of that severance check and the $50 in my checking account. Eventually, one day came much sooner than I anticipated. Learning the meaning of “budget” and “emergency fund” at the same time was a tough one. Moving back home and starting over again was tougher.

Much to my chagrin, clothing, shoes, and cars don’t appreciate; they only depreciate in value over time. Hence the reason the clothing at the thrift store was so inexpensive. Insert ah ha! moment.  By the time I was 30, I had racked up several thousands of dollars in credit card debt and I hadn’t landed that CFO job with the office on the 15th floor and a view overlooking the Potomac River. It was then I realized “they” will make you pay for the credit you use. Yeah, seems like a common sense thing….but…I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep using my credit cards for more shoes and $1 candy bars and sodas from CVS because I didn’t have any cash on me – actually, that was two lessons in one; the candy and soda were neither helping my mission to lose 20 lbs nor my bank account.  Student loans must be paid. Paychecks get garnished. Cars will be repossessed. Homes may be foreclosed on. Banks close checking accounts, and guess what? They tell the other banks not to let you open an account with them. How rude! Then, eventually. Suddenly. One day. You learn to pay what you owe. Immediately. Every month.

Hindsight. If only I hadn’t maxed out those 3 student credit cards and never paid the bills….if I had 20% to put down, I wouldn’t have to pay that extra PMI cost thing. 20% of $99,000 is only $19,800. That roughly amounted to saving about $2,000 per year or $166 per month, not including accrued interest just for the sake of this post. If only I had started 10 years ago when I began working. I mean, $166 was less than the 5-year note on my brand new $14,000 car that was totaled after 2 years with no GAP insurance. 10 years seemed like an eternity ago. But a 30-year mortgage??? 30 years of anything is a long time. I had only been alive for a few more than 30 years and I’m about to sign my paycheck away for some date in the future 3o years? What about my shoe collection? *Shudders*. Nope. I’m not ready. But I will be. Eventually. One day.

One day came about six years later.  I’m married, with children, and we live in the basement at my mom’s house.  Financial responsibility hit hard and without warning. I worked extra hard to pay off every debt I owed while still paying for transportation and cell phones and kid school lunch. Then I worked hard to raise my credit score to an acceptable number by paying two cards on time every month to obtain the best interest rates. Eventually, one day was right now.

I found myself nearing 40 and thinking maybe Suze and Michelle knew what they were talking about.  Retirement is coming in about 30 years. Because I was just too uninterested in picking my own stocks (take that, Warren!!), I chose the preset retirement package my employer offered based on the year closest to when you will reach retirement age. Of course, this package is titled by the retirement year. “Target 2040”. Seemed like a long time away. Until I recalled years earlier in college my thinking that 40 is sooooo far away; let’s eat, shop, dance, and be merry.  Insert face palm here.

In a few more years, the 50’s will hit. Do I have enough medical coverage? Term life insurance equal to 10-15 percent of my salary? Is my 401K on track for me to live to 99 at 65% of my current salary ? What about power of attorney and a living will? A will at all? My beneficiaries – what do I have to leave them? If I get divorced, can I survive on my own? Did I teach my kids enough about finance that I will NEVER have to live with them again? Deep sigh.

We women tend to put off thinking about financial goals until “the time is right”, whatever that may mean.  It’s as if we have to make a choice between taking care of everyone else around us and taking care of us. We don’t think about having an emergency fund of six months of living expenses, participating in our company’s retirement plan, or turning our side hustle into a viable business until – eventually. One day.

The lucky humans will take their life lessons and happily retire to the Maldives (is that possible? I really hope so.). The not-so-lucky ones will stop working and……….then what? I mean, there’s always Social Security. Maybe.  So I’ve heard. Until then, I shall pay off my debts, maintain an emergency savings fund of 3-6 months, participate in retirement plans, live on a budget, be frugal with my dollars, and after all of that is said and done, eat, dance, shop, and be merry.  But when eventually, one day arrives around age 70, I’ll be ready to purchase about 30 more pairs of shoes and a cute party dress for my retirement bash.

 

 

 

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